Marriage is hard and sometimes I just plain don’t like it. Maybe that’s unfair. I love my marriage but I hate that sometimes we allow other things to become road blocks in our relationship. Our responsibilities sometimes dupe us into thinking that lesser things are our priorities when they are not. We forget to sit in the silence of the home we created together and be thankful for our love.
This weekend while at Mass a video was featured for the Diocese Service Appeal. The video showed all of the ways that our Catholic social services care for our local community. Every year I am moved to gratefulness. This year I felt a sudden sense of longing when I saw a couple who had faced significant marital and health challenges hold hands and pray the Rosary.
I am not a prayer of the Rosary. I am a relatively new Catholic and still make up most of my prayers. I enjoy the Our Fathers, Hail Marys and the Blessed Bes in the quietness of my day when I need to find God in the laundry room, or the carwash or the waiting room. Wait, that might make me a Rosary prayer afterall.
So late last night I laid my soul bare before my beloved and we prayed. The children were all asleep. The dog had been let out and the cats fed. The day brought it’s stress to our door. The bills were laid out and ready to be paid. Our plans were still in motion and our cellphones were charging.
We stopped and connected to each other and to God.
This morning as I went through the day I noticed that the clear coat of nail polish I painted on my finger must have only been half dry when we started to pray because Paul’s fingerprint is embedded in the polish on my middle finger. I keep running my finger over the surface of the enamel and remembering how we held hands last night. Isn’t that just the way God works? We found a moment of peace in our relationship and God has found a way for me to take it with me into the next week.
I often wish that my moments of clarity would stay with me the way they hit me the first time. The elation, surprise and astonishment never last. They eventually give way to new ideas, new challenges and new conundrums that I try to digest. God granted me the need to write, which is my way of remembering what I was praying for last year and how that prayer was answered. I enjoy the ability to say to God with a clenched fist, “Not cool! Not cool at all, God!”. I also enjoy finding that he had a plan that was better than mine all along.
Imagine for a moment, that He who created the universe, may have an idea or two on how my little life should be run.
This Sunday he gave me a tip on how to make my connection with my husband stronger, fuller and more sustaining. Last night we listened and it was the best sex we ever had. (well, without actually doing it.)