This week was killer. I have been bouncing from mommy to business owner all week with very little transition time to change my costume. I have been networking, transporting children to camp, cleaning on the fly, having meetings and developing ideas for our company every day. I would like to say my brain is mushy this afternoon but in reality I feel like it’s firing so quickly I can’t shut it off.
My inbox is overflowing with notes on customers, Darfur, upcoming events and probably bills among other things. I am sure that many of you reading this can give little sympathy for a life so similar to your own. This year is the first year in history where women are the majority of the workforce. Not to mention all of you who are just stay at home mothers.
I’m jus’ playin’….
This morning on the Early Show a woman was sharing details about how many married couples are not having children. Nearly 18% of all women between 40-44 have never had children. She said that the reason for the number increase was because of all of the choices in birth control. Also to be considered was that having children is no longer a cultural norm. We as women, armed with birth control (natural or not), can choose that raising children is less preferable to just about anything.
Then she said the hated phrase….
Women truly can have everything.
My neurons started to fire out of control in reaction to such a fallacy.
Women can have what they choose but they most certainly cannot have everything.
I can own a business, volunteer to serve on non-profit boards, raise children, have a hard won healthy marriage, enjoy the greatest girlfriends, community garden and read a good book in between. I can, with prompting, call my grandmother, to fill her in on my life since she refuses to join Facebook. I can clean my bathroom while my children bathe and write a blog while they nap. I can do a lot of things but I can’t do everything.
I have had to sacrifice pursuing music. I have sacrificed a stomach without stretch marks.
Stretch marks always seem to come up.
I have sacrificed time with my family. I have sacrificed finishing a college education, traveling the world and becoming a humanitarian aid worker (in my dreams). I can’t find time in my schedule or the money in my bank account to visit my brother in Chicago for the weekend. I have a great life but it doesn’t include everything. I think it is that fallacy driven search for having it all that fuels discontent.
I do have a husband that does not babysit his children. He does not help with the chores. He won’t share his money with me either.
The children are his so he cares for them on a daily basis whether I am home or not. The laundry, dishes and dust are the result of the family that lives in this house. They are not chores strictly reserved for the person in the house with the vagina. Although, it would be convenient for the lot of men I have in my life (including 2 male cats and one male dog) if chores were. We have shared our resources since the day that we were married and maybe a little before. Does this cause problems. Sometimes. Especially when I need retail therapy and he buys a new tool.
My husband is a co-parenting, house cleaning, bank account sharing member of my family. He gives me everything. Not because he is the bread winner and that’s his job. He gives everything because when we married we became one. Not instantly. We are still merging.
The truth about our marriage is that I cannot have everything and neither can he. He sacrifices too. But for every hole we feel because of our mutual decisions, there is our commitment to each other that acts like the Dutch boy plugging the damn. We can have all that we choose and so far, it’s pretty freakin’ awesome.