I truly started out this evening with nothing to say. I intended to write nothing. However, with naughty children staging a coup upstairs, Daddy working late and no alcoholic beverages on hand, self medicating is taking the form of aggressive typing. Today was frustrating. Today was the beginning of a long walk back towards schedule and structure. School is coming.
I have heard a myth from far off lands that mother’s want their children to go back to school. Reasons range from sibling bickering to summer events taking over their lives. I hear these tales and I understand. My children grind on me. They find my last nerve and jump on it with such elation, you’d think it was the second coming of Christ. They bicker and wrestle until someone gets hurt and then they tattle. They ignore my frequent requests for tidying up and then act shocked when a consequence is layed down.
Today, I felt as if I were a mime or a person speaking a foreign language.
I have been working like mad and my house needed some serious TLC. My business bills were paid but I was on the verge of getting ousted from my doctor’s office. To get back in, I would have to get pregnant. My doctor only accepts new OB patients. Sooooo, I made a panting, frantic call begging for mercy. Mercy was granted and the hemming and hahing can continue for a few more months over any future children for the Toroks. Sadly, I may have considered it.
If their was a Captain Organized, I would be Captain Chaos. I hate the school year. I hate getting up early and the focus it takes to get all three of my children out the door. I don’t like remembering field trips, school events and to ALWAYS be there. That last one is the reason we decided to become self employed. I want to always be there but as our children get older and our business gets bigger, it gets trickier. Even if I don’t have to report to a boss, something suffers for this choice every time.
I suppose that I do enjoy the time away from my little stinkers but most of the time, even when we are all at our worst, I want them with me. My children are awesome. Outside of the extreme awesomeness that they exude, I don’t want the world to revolve around anyone’s schedule but mine. I live for the dog days of summer where we can catch lightening bugs, eat only grilled food, stay up late and sleep in as late as my children will allow. I hate dress codes, start times and fundraisers. I love my son’s school more than I will explain tonight but even as a parent, I have to follow the rules.
Today I clipped soup labels, planned our menu and organized our bills. I even paid a few. I went through my son’s uniforms and made plans to have him try them on in the near future to decide how many shorts would save my pocket book this year. I have made a mommy checklist as recommended by Toni at Simply Siena and I tried to follow it. It made me cranky. I have some serious issues with authority. Stupid checklist.
Through my whiny, anti-rules eyes, I do see a glimmer of hope. The ONLY reason to continue on the quest to efficiency is to be able to better serve my peeps while trying to save the world. In my heart of hearts, I know my boys (hubby included) will benefit from having me at their field trips and arriving home to a hot (or cold…shoot, even a luke warm) meal. I know that if I can plan for the weeks events, I will be better prepared to serve when asked, or not, based on my current circumstances.
Hopefully, I won’t have to get knocked up to earn my way back into my doctor’s office either. One can only hope!
While I do not believe that taking care of the home is our only priority as women, I do recognize that our deepest and most important responsibility is our families. Afterall, who will save the world when we are all gone?