There are many days when I am sure my kids are headed for maximum security solitary confinement. No, I don’t beat them, neglect them or emotionally abuse them. Mommy guilt has a way of making your failures seem more than just forgetfulness, botched meals or sarcastic statements. Mommy guilt is a powerful enemy. A nemesis of Joker vs. Batman proportions. Even though many of us recognize it and even know when it’s evil starts to whisper in our ear, we still buckle to it’s dastardly plan before we can say, “Holy haberdashery, Batman!”
In honor of kicking (POW!) mommy guilt in the pants (BAM!), I am declaring the top 5 reasons I am an awesome mommy. Where’s your list? You should make one too.
5. All furniture should be jumped on in exact proportion to the amount of funk in the song being played in the room. Norah Jones equals the walk to sleepy town. Black Eyed Peas or Beyonce, equal serious leaps up into the air and booty shaking on mommy’s bed. The only caveat is once mommy makes the bed, it’s off limits for the day. Since this is more unusual than a sighting of Big Foot, bed jumping is a regular affair in the Torok household.
4. Happy Meals are meant for happiness. They are not meant for daily consumption due to the ridiculous calorie count and junk toys. When we do buy them, I never require my children to eat it all before they go and enjoy the “tunnels”. In my opinion, the less they eat, the less likely they are to die of cancer or heart disease. Is this a waste of money? Maybe. Does it make me less awesome? Nope. My kids are allowed to keep up with the American Jones’ while maintaining some standard of healthy living.
3. Playtime is the dirtier the better. Most American houses are constructed so that the back door enters right into your kitchen. My children are not to proud to come into the house covered in mud, undressed to their skivvies and promptly hosed down in the sink. You know what else? They are exhausted by the end of the day too. This little code of conduct not only benefits my boys and their primal need for outdoor time, it also benefits one tired mommy at the end of the day with hard as rock sleepers.
2. I love tattoos, hair dye and piercings. However, I will make my kids wait for tattoos until they are eighteen for the regret factor. I love Mohawks and beg my children to get them. They tell me no! What? I know. They have no idea how good they have it. It’s too non permanent to make it an issue for me. I had my eye brow, tongue and belly button pierced and guess what? I don’t anymore. I’m no worse for the wear. I still love my tattoos.
1. Love rules all decisions. Whether it’s how to discipline, where to eat or what to say, love is the final decider. I love this rule. It’s the one I am most proud of in the fabric that we have created as a family.