If you were born of a woman, you probably have had a secret. If you are a woman, you have probably had a secret that you shared with another woman. At some point in your life, you have also met a blabber mouth, hiney-biter or a gossip girl. You have woken up to a world reveling in your secret. It is a painful breach of trust to find judgmental strangers tromping through your decisions and rolling in your missteps like mud in a pig pen.
In an odd coincidence, my bloggy friend Toni at Simply Sienna, just shared a post on avoiding gossip. For some practical tips, read her blog post Giving Up Gossip. Honestly, we did not plan this. I love happy accidents!
Those of us who have suffered such treatment take steps to never suffer that humiliation again. We start to treat our confidants like FBI agents applying for the highest level of security intelligence. We clam up. Another option, one most favorable to me, is the choosing to never participate in things you would not be proud to declare to the world. Obviously, that whole human imperfection thing makes this not only difficult but impossible to stick to without exception.
The first rule of Tuesday Girls to the Rescue is extremely important if you truly wish to cultivate a heart to heart relationship with your own Tuesday Girls. What happens around that table, over that cup of coffee or between those swings, stays there. That time your husband did…..or your child struggled with…..or when you….. No matter the topic. The best sharing only happens in a completely safe environment.
We have all had to make some hard choices about the company we keep as adults. When you decide to build a small, safe and comfortable group of women to share your life with, don’t invite a gossiper. Just don’t. Unless you are starting a rehab group for the lose lipped. Other wise, spare yourself the drama (unless you like that sort of thing) and invite women who you can trust.
Today is Tuesday and I have personal struggles that I am going to share with my girlfriends. They will do their best to support me with advice, prayers and best of all, they will lock it up and throw away the key. I never have to worry that they will share my own personal daytime drama for kicks and giggles with strangers. There is no better way to spill your guts.
My children will be wandering around that table. All of our children will break in for a snack, a drink, a potty break or a tattle tale session. My hope, is that through all of that, they will also see an example of true friendship. I hope that someday, while cultivating their own relationships, they will now which friends to glean from the chafe. I hope they learn this lesson early and well. Long before they have to learn the hard way.
Don’t you want to sigh with relief already?
If you just started following this series, start here.
Tuesday Girls to the Rescue: An Introduction