I am irritated with You. Sometimes, I wish I could poke You in the eye. I have spent a lot of time trying to serve Your purposes. I have read The Good Book and I have gone to church on
most Sundays. It turns out, that my life can still suck pretty bad despite everything.
This is not news to me. I am feeling very Captain Obvious today. Even if I feign surprise now, it is really just masked displeasure with Your master plan. If you remember, my childhood was not stellar. But You know that. You know everything. Which makes my circumstances even more grating on my spiritual lining.
Why can’t my good livin’ be enough?
I wish there was a cosmic checks and balances system.
I want to know that the people who rape and pillage will eventually get their dues…now, here in this life where I can watch.
I want to know that the people who compassionately care for the poor, sick and dying will get their dues…now, here in this life so I can watch.
All of this asks me to question what it is I truly deserve. Yikes, do I even want to know?
I am feeling very much like a little girl pouting in her time out spot. Lip pushed out, shoulders bent over and arms wrapped tightly against my knees. When you try to speak to me, I start screaming and chanting that I can’t hear you. When you reach out to touch me, I recoil. I suppose you should want to poke me in the eye too.
I am grateful for the fact that you stick it out. That you wait patiently for my temper tantrum to lose some of it’s fire. And I have a lot of fire. Even though I have turned my back to you, I still feel your presence in the room.
I have heard that God is big enough to show you who He is.
Dear God, go big or go home.