Uncertain

 An open hand.  Fingers uncurled, lifted up and waiting for what will fill them.  That is the image in my mind left by the first chapter of One Thousand Giftshttp://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=m0bdd-20&o=1&p=8&l=bpl&asins=0310321913&fc1=000000&IS2=1&lt1=_blank&m=amazon&lc1=0000FF&bc1=000000&bg1=FFFFFF&f=ifr.  I came home the other night to find a small box from UPS.  The box itself was no surprise.  One of my salt of the earth friends texted me to say it would be waiting for me.
I tiptoed out onto my Antarctica porch, grabbed the cold cardboard box and quickly raced back into the warmth of my home to find a knife.  I wasn’t sure what to expect.
A thoughtful note wishing me the same blessings found in this book by my friend.
Curious.
I unwrap and find a book that seems to be ready to tackle my story.

One Thousand Gifts beckons you to leave the parched ground of pride, fear and white knuckled control and abandon yourself to the God who overflows your cup.

Who is this God you speak of?  My ground is parched.  I am afraid. My knuckles are white. Who is this God to whom surrender is safe and whose goal is to fill and not empty.

As Ann Voskamp invites you into her own moments of grace, she gently teaches you how to Biblically lament loss, turning pain into poetry, intentionally embrace a lifestyle of radical gratitude, and slow down and catch God in the moment.

I am the book of Lamentations.  I am Job before he decided that the Lord gives and He takes away.  The sackcloth and ashes are in fashion this year.  I am unsure which part to be grateful for and if I want to catch God in the moment.
I am sure that I am tired of fingering this scab.  I am exhausted of all of the fierce pointing at God…why did you let this happen? some God you are….. I think my rage is just about bottoming out.  
Now what? 
In the book, surrender is suggested.  We who sin cause the pain in the world.  He who created the world heals it.  Satan is the confuser of those roles.
This is not news to me but my fist is now closed around the steering wheel.  Pulling fingers off one at a time is painful in a new way.  It causes panic.  Trusting God with our whole being means accepting what may come and what already has. It means accepting pain caused by sin with a hand ever open to God.
Heavy breathing. Fingers curling back in.
Curious but uncertain.
http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=m0bdd-20&o=1&p=8&l=bpl&asins=0310321913&fc1=000000&IS2=1&lt1=_blank&m=amazon&lc1=0000FF&bc1=000000&bg1=FFFFFF&f=ifrI’d love to read this in partnership with you.  Let me know if your interested by leaving a comment and we will find a way (via skype, discussion page, phone or meetings) to make it work.  I have a feeling about this book.  A glowing that comes from the inside when I open it. You can also find a copy in my store, Fine Things…
Hopefully,

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