Living in the Tomb

Today is Holy Saturday.  It is the day on which all hope was lost.  Jesus had died.  All was darkness.  Even now our Catholic church is closed and bare of decoration.  There is Christ but no eucharist. 


No communion.


A sermon at Riverview Church a couple of weeks ago bugged me.  I missed the service so I asked my husband to grab a cd that I could listen to.  And then I was bugged. 


The sermon was well enough.  The question that has bothered me for almost a week was a simple one.


“Who are we to question God about the suffering of a world, when he willingly became one of us and bore the worlds suffering on one day.”


That’s not an exact quote.


The question was like a long stick you use to poke the embers of a fire.  It provoked such anger and indignation in me.  It was a surge of anger at God, the sermon giver, my father and myself.  It was uncomfortable and still is.  I am not sure I can even explain it to you. 


I felt sure that the man giving the sermon had no idea what suffering was.  I felt sure that my God, who seems to be all about the resurrection, should have been all about the preservation.  I knew that a crucifixion that happened once should have covered my sin and suffering…but it doesn’t jive. 


I have joined the crowd.  The angry mob yelling and spitting and begging for blood. 


And even in my anger and indignation, I am demanding.  I am wanting my resurrection Sunday.  Where is my Easter?  I have been cut all over and I want to be led out of the tomb by an angel.  WTF!? 


And the fist shaking continues.


I think I have issues with pride. (understatement of the decade)


I want what I cannot have, what I deserve no more than the next sufferer, and I want it now.  God is not where I make my inquiries.  He is not where I come with humble requests.  He is standing in the way of what I want. 


I will not ressurect tomorrow.  My past will still be begging for blood.  I feel Holy Saturday.  I understand the mob this year more than ever before.  I have become very comfortable in the tomb.

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