Fallen Quiche: The Mailman’s Children


I would love to tell you that my two adorable youngest children, holding hands innocently are indeed on a spring time walk.  Alas, I cannot.

These two are fugitives from the law.  They have a wanton disregard for the rules of my home. 

Especially the little one, Levi a.k.a. the Mob Boss.  He is particularly shifty eyed and crafty.  The older one is more like the big guy standing in the corner of the room as “protection”.

Yesterday, I was working from home.  The sun was shining and I wanted them to get some fresh air.  I set up my computer on the counter next to the back door and while I allowed them to play in our “completely fenced in backyard” these two jerks escaped.  They found a weak spot and crawled through like two pokey little puppies. 

I found the yard to be exceptionally quiet and when I called for them, they had gone. 

Panic.  Fear.  Chest Pains.

I found two of my neighbors and shamefully asked them to help me find my five year old and two year old. 


God, they must think I am the worst mother ever!

We called and called and called!!!
They didn’t respond. 

I started to head towards the park where a gentleman said he saw them heading back towards my house a block down.  I wasted no time with killing him in the face for not apprehending my little fugitives and ran like hell to beat them to the next street where they would be undoubtedly ran over by a passing car. (I repeat, panic)

As I ran, I thought…what if he kidnapped them and sent me the other way.  (more panic)

Welcome to the inner sanctum of the insane mind of a mother missing her children.  If I were a lioness I would have had enough time to maul him and continue onwards towards saving my children.  Darn human-ness.

I eventually found them about the same time as my neighbor spotted them running through our park headed towards the Grand River.  OMG They are going to drown!!!

(seriously unreasonable at this point)

Just then I noticed a Mailman running full speed ahead.  He returned with my Levi in one arm and with Isaac by the hand.  I nearly kissed him in the face but I noticed his disdainful you-must-be-a-crackhead-for-losing-your-children look and settled with a “Thank you very much”

I kissed my five year old for staying with his brother.  I have told them to always stay together and take care of each other.  I then reprimanded him for not coming to tell me the second Levi had escaped instead of following him off the edge of the cliff.  I gave the stink eye to my toddler who would never understand my lecture about strangers, drowning, car accidents, serial killers, salmonella or other ramblings of an unreasonably panicked mother…and then I kissed him too.

*sigh*

Breathe. Easy. Calm.
In my arms again. 

Thank God for the Mailman.  Even if he judged me, he didn’t watch them walk by and do nothing.  Judge away but for God sakes, help a mother out!

And as a side note, my neighbors did not think I was the worst mother ever.  They thought I was a good mother with a bad fence.

6 thoughts on “Fallen Quiche: The Mailman’s Children

  1. ah…we've all been there – well I have anyway : )- such a revolting feeling when you think you've lost one (or more) of them. My 'best' moment was one Sunday when I went out to call husband and son (stacking firewood)in for lunch only to find it was only husband there who said “I thought he was inside with you” Panic stricken I sent Iain to look down the street while I went inside to search. A few minutes later I sheepishly yelled out to my husband and the helping neighbors that it was okay “I found him” -in his cot…asleep…where I had put him about an hour earlier….oops.

  2. Happy Mother's Day early!

    My mother told the story of finding me clothes-less, hanging on the chain link fence across the street and yelling to the high school baseball team to “Play ball!” I was about the age of your little man. She said the big boys were too embarrassed to judge!

    And your neighbors are right!

    Marie

  3. Thank you Marie, You are such a darling. That is a pretty funny story! My husband would say it was a moment in time meant to keep me humble. We all can use those sometimes :)

  4. What a well put together story! It wasn’t my child I lost but my little cousin Pat and I were watching. It was early to mid 90’s and Pat had started working from home. My aunt needed a babysitter and of course Pat said yes (he’s like that with kittens and puppies too). So my two year old cousin was at our house. She wanted to go to the park, BAD. Pat and I had things to do and couldn’t take her at that time. Later that day, both Pat and I get distracted, he bathroom, me phone call (or maybe vice versa, I can’t recall). When we both finish we do the; “Where’s Hailey?” line and the “I don’t know, I thought she was with you!”. The front door was unlocked and we both knew she had gone outside. We both raced out that door, Pat went left and I went right around the blocks. I found her two blocks away. There was a man in a car pacing along side her because he knew she wasn’t supposed to be out there and he wanted her to stay safe. She had been collecting the little flags that the utility people put out when they are about to drill (always felt bad about that) and she had about 10 flags, proof of her journey through the neighborhood. Still gives me chills to think how bad things could have gone.

  5. Well, that does it. I’m going to tell my Kub and Tricia that Kevin isn’t allowed out of his crib until he turns 18.

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