http://rcm.amazon.com/e/cm?t=m0bdd-20&o=1&p=8&l=bpl&asins=0439087937&fc1=000000&IS2=1<1=_blank&m=amazon&lc1=0000FF&bc1=000000&bg1=FFFFFF&f=ifrThis weekend I had an extra moment to pick up a copy of People Magazine.
You know, the magazine that has at least one or two legitimate stories in it so you can pretend to be reading something intelligent whilst you covet Jada Pinkett-Smith’s new shiny, McShiny pants and matching clutch.
Don’t act like you don’t know what I am talking about. *squinty glare and pointy finger*
As I flipped through, skipping the intelligent articles….
Honestly, I am only smart on weekdays.
I came upon a celebrity interview for a celebrity mom about her new celebrity baby. No one asked me for this interview. I am a mom. I rock the
shit out of being a mom. Okay, so not very many people know me but that is a teeny, tiny detail overcome by my wit and charm.
In response to People Magazine’s failure to do their research and find a legit mom to interview, I will respond to a list of questions I found online in another publication that failed to do their research either.
What is journalism coming to!
So here is my
long awaited celebrity mom interview. Try not to be jealous.
Tashmica Torok wears many hats — writer, roller derby skater, Executive Assistant at a growing non-profit, wife of area small business owner and mother of Isaiah, 7, Isaac, 5, and Levi, 2. Last fall, she went and got a full time job after years of running the family business while pretending to be a stay at home mom. (WHA?! – It’s true.) Here, Tashmica shares how she keeps the plates spinning.
Pulling double duty: “In the beginning, I had this crazy notion that I had to do it all. I was the mother and all things maternal or child related fell under my dominion. That was stupid. I can admit when I am wrong. I called in the reinforcements. It wasn’t easy but I had enough nervous breakdowns trying to handle it all on my own that, for the sake of my ability to live outside of the funny farm, my husband stepped up. There are very few assigned responsibilities. We shop, cook, wash dishes, pay bills, change diapers, feed the dog and go to work. He can’t handle vomit and I DIE before I mow the lawn. It’s a fair swap.”
Ready for the job: READY FOR THE JOB!!! I am not ready for tomorrow! I typically wander around reacting to what I forgot to write down, cook, pay for or clean up. It’s fine. I just blame the kids.
“I woulda been on time but you know kids! They are so slow.”
“I didn’t even know I was supposed to be here, let alone bring a dish to pass. I was inches away from lying to my brood and telling them the event was canceled. Sorry. Now, who wants cookies!”
Pregnancy style: Stupid question. Next.
The name game: We went with Hebrew names with meanings that struck a chord with us. Isaiah’s name means “the Lord saves” and marks a deeply important time to me. Isaac’s name means “laughter” and I am not sure a child has ever had a more appropriate name because he brings us so much joy and hilarity. Levi’s name means “associated with Him” Considering Levi’s nickname “Vito”, as parents we are just trying like hell to make sure that Him = God and not some sketchy mob character in preschool.
Going back to work: Some days I hate it so much I can’t breathe. I look at them all sweet and sticky from their breakfast puckering up for my goodbye kisses and I want to quit. Other days, while I watch them set up tables for a meeting of do-gooders or play parachute games with a little girl for Uganda recovering from important surgery and I know this is not just a job for my family. It is an extension of the lifestyle of charity I am teaching them everyday.
Adjusting to two: Um, three. Again with the research.
Three is a lot of kids. Don’t let the breeders fool you. Three kids, three boys who come home with the mailman, hide rotten veggies under the lids of thermoses and call you mean, is a lot of kids. We are still adjusting because no day is the same and no schedule works every time. Parenting is not for those who can’t handle change.
Mandatory baby gear: The kind of diapers and wipes that will keep the baby’s butt dry. A sippy cup he can drink from and a stroller for the baby to roll in when he won’t stay with the pack (Inadvertent Derby Reference), which is always.
Making introductions: My children adore each other. My oldest is really invested in making sure the other two are safe. Levi can be soothed by his older brothers with or without me. Isaac is a sugar lump child that I just try to keep from being forgotten. Their introduction was smooth. I just keep brainwashing them into believing they are best friends with the hope that someday they totally will be.
Sibling rivalry: This is a huge pain in my butt right now. I spend a lot of time trying to keep them so busy they don’t have time to argue. I have actually started assigning them school work for arguments. I mean, they are obviously very bored if they want to waste all of that time fighting over whose PENNY that is!
Making it work: It does. It has to. There are five lives that depend on it. Five lives with different abilities, hopes and concerns all mish-mashed into this family. We want our little men to leave our home empowered and whole. We are doing our best but their are no guarantees. This is us, rolling the dice.
I really hope this works. Mama needs a new pair of shoes!!!