This has been a good year. A year filled with water troubled. It seems like my past, my present and my future are all tugging for their place in my sights. All three seem to be begging for me to move in and make myself at home. The fresh flowers cut on the table, the pillows fluffed and the hook for my keys are different in each spot and I can never stay for too long.
It has been a struggle.
I do not enjoy big decisions. They make me squirm and itch. They make me uncertain as I tend to over think and then think again. Decisions made equals bearing responsibility for them. I have been throwing ideas and thoughts at my girlfriends like a high stakes game of skee ball.
These women who take my little ball and gracefully hand it back after weighing it in both hands. These are not the kind of women who let my worries roll pass them. They don’t smash it and toss the contents at me with judgment. I have entrusted these women with weighty decisions of my own because they are full and open.
A women empty, a man empty, a person empty devours. They do not hold the water troubled if it is not their own. They do not weigh carefully the decisions that do not effect them. Empty people celebrate the struggle of others. Deep down they cannot help but feel validated in seeing a void and they will never help fill another. Empty people devour like vultures because they have not found how to fill themselves in any other way.
I can now see them circling in the air. Not over me. Not always over me. I can now see their behavior and recognize when they are licking their lips. I can see them standing around the edges of the room carrying the downward spiral. I know that flock now and aren’t we all better for it?
Knowing prevents us all from the shock and surprise of that bite. It enables us all to shake it off and move on from the pain. Knowing allows us to separate ourselves from those who are not full enough to love. We can not only recognize the vultures but recognize when we are becoming one due to what we lack. Knowing is a lesson given, a gift of life because now we can choose to keep our pearls from the swine.