I am not superstitious, clairvouyant or insightful on a superheroines level. I am wearing beer goggles. (Not to be confused with Stroller Beer)
You know. After a few drinks, everything can appear better. I am not speaking literally here. (I
rarely do not write posts drunk)
My filters are a bit warped, dirty and in some places there are cracks and bends where the flat, shiny surface used to be. We have all learned things, seen things or done things in our life that changed the way we view the world. Some of those things were done to us.
Maybe you don’t trust men. Maybe you don’t trust women. Maybe you cannot connect with children. Maybe you don’t trust anyone with your heart.
Maybe its just your family you don’t trust. Maybe they are not trustworthy.
Maybe these are all things I struggle with on some level.
I remember climbing aboard a city bus as a teenager, sitting down and being gripped fear because of all of the men on the bus. I kept thinking of ways to protect myself, ways to get away.
Don’t worry. The riot never occurred but my fears were very real and very much a part of my filter growing up.
Filters are an interesting thing. They are often justified. People do prove to be dangerously untrustworthy.
Not the kind of I-forgot-to-pay-the-electric untrustworthy.
The I-may-cause-you-devastating-injury-that-will-take-you-years-to-recover-from untrustworthy.
I truly believe that all of the pain in the world can be traced back to one persons’s complete abandonment of someone they were supposed to love. Google it.
We grow accustomed to seeing the world in a certain way. We believe in “truths” that we agree to in our hearts and minds. We are convinced that our ability to judge character and know the motivations of others is flawless. Like wearing a pair of glasses in the wrong perscription, we squint and twist our faces to be able to make out the street signs.
Until we are wrong. Until we judge a situation incorrectly and it is devastating. Until we realize that maybe the truths we agreed to were not truths at all. Until we realize that we don’t know anyone…not even ourselves.
To answer the questions of a friend,
I know it’s me too. Sometimes. I also know that sometimes, it just isn’t.
No, none of us get new filters but we do begin to recognize the places we just can’t look through anymore. The places burnt and broken make the world disfigured. In thoughtful reflection, we may also recognize when it is not us.
This part is important.
Their are people in your life…the unhealthy ones (family or otherwise) …who know how to use your filters against you. It’s called manipulation. Learn the word. Learn the act. Find the money spot in that window where you can see it everytime. Once you find it, you will begin to trust yourself a bit more.
None of us are perfect.
Well, except for maybe this guy….
Wait. How did that happen? Devastatingly handsome, yes. Perfect? No. :)
This is not one of those practices in life that comes with a 12 step process. Not one that I have found yet. I do have step one. Are you ready? This is profound!
Listen to your heart. Fruity loop as it sounds, you have one for a reason. All of that talk about your heart leading you down the wrong path is foolish. It’s kind of like saying that crows are evil. God made your heart and crows (possibly spiders but definitely not mosquitos) for a reason. That is what we are really talking about here. Learning to listen to your heart so that your filters are secondary.
Quiet yourself. Listen. Make thoughtful decisions based on what you hear. Act in love for yourself, your loved ones and even the unhealthy person.
O my dove, in the clefts of the rock, in the secret places of the cliff, let me see your face, let me hear your voice; for sweet is your voice, and your countenance is lovely. ~ Song of Solomon 2:14
He wants to hear your voice too. No joke. He did not craft you to stay in the cleft in the rock. He meant for you to speak your truth.
Stink eye to those who would disagree.
(This part I could not find in the Bible but I have it on good authroity. I could be wrong though.)
The post that inspired this blog….
I know it’s me. That’s the part that stinks. Where do I get new filters?