I almost wrote you an answering machine message tonight.
“Hi! You have found Tashmica’s Mother Flippin’ Blog! I am not here right now. Leave a message and I will be sure to get right back with you. Bye!”
This space has felt pretty empty lately. Sorry about that. I have just been too busy. I have had plenty to say. I have lots of words scribbled here and there to remind myself of things I meant to tell you.
Tonight, I am writing and scarfing down two egg sandwiches with tomato, avocado and chipotle mayo. My body is aching from a pretty good derby practice and my mind is all discombobulated from a productive day at work. I am also a little scared and my nail polish is chipped.
I have done two things this week that make me want to pee my pants.
#1 – I started researching my father for my book. So if you happen to be the Nancy Drew type (Gosh, I loved her!), let me know! I could use a good sleuth in my life right now.
#2 – I enrolled in my first college course since I was pregnant with Isaiah. That would be nine years, ladies and gentleman.
I am scared. Legitimately. I am afraid that I will not be able to pass a class. I am afraid that I will never write this book and that I am just going through the motions like an old record player without a needle. What if I can’t write it well? Or, even worse, what if I am too weak, fragile, mentally broken to stick with the story. It is a hard story to tell – even with my wit and charm the details can still send me to bed early with a
bottle glass of sangria.
It doesn’t matter today. I just took a flying leap out of a boat not quite on shore and landed sturdy on solid ground. I am asking the questions I need the answers too. It may never fill a book. It will fill empty spots in me that I need corked.
I am going to get that damned writing degree and then tattoo those letters behind my name.
I have already learned so much.
So, now. I have left you a message. I hope you are all well. Be fearless. Give me a call sometime and we will do lunch.
PS – I forgot something else!
#3 – I made an appointment for my quarter sleeve at Fish Ladder Tattoo. Yipe!