I have a set of index cards on my coffee table that I have lovingly named…
The Flashcards of Destiny!
They contain the penciled in, erased and rewritten framework of the story I want to share at #Stargazing2013. There are about 30 cards. The first one says ‘gratitude’ and the last says ‘toast’.
The social media presence for The Firecracker Foundation is being built. Things are being signed, phone calls are being made and meetings are being held.
The Change. Rise. Crash. is in full, glorious effect.
I have been growing my hair out naturally. I have been on a pretty regular stretch of chemical relaxers since I was 12-years-old. Slowly and softly, my curls have emerged.
If my hair had a soundtrack in the first few weeks of new growth, it would have been Prince’s Let’s Go Crazy. I think now, my hair is singing, I Don’t Care. I Love It.
No, really. I love my curls so much it borders on vanity and preoccupation.
My life is growing out.
Did I ever tell you that when I was about 15-years-old and I was attempting my first round of counseling sessions, I had a dream of opening a home for girls who had been sexually abused like me?
I didn’t do it. Obviously. I let that dream slide. I studied music. I got married and had children. I ran a business and took a job in development.
I met those professional experiences, challenges and opportunities with great love and passion. I learned great lessons and then…
REFRAMING QUIT: It’s not so much quitting as… stopping, ceasing, retiring, putting it to rest, letting it fly, moving on, phasing out, bringing to a conclusion, taking a bow, changing course, clarifying, focusing, perfecting, shifting, trading up. ~ Danielle LaPorte, The Firestarter Sessions
I have opted for what comes natural to me. I choose my wild, curls that I have no intention of taming over hijacked and flat ironed into submission straight hair.
I stand in a vulnerable space. It’s the space between hopes of perfection and the knowledge that perfection will never exist for me (or anyone). I am floating between reality and unrealistic expectations.
Dream chasing can be self-deprecating. My faults are made clear – my inability to lose these last ten pounds, unwanted facial hair, that my best organizational skills still fall in the category of disorganized and on and on.
Deciding to go out on a limb for your dreams is a great way to clearly see in what ways you were unprepared to do so.
So what do you do?
Well, I don’t know but I can tell you what I did.
I climbed back to the hearty trunk of that tree and built a team, did some research and found some resources to carry in my deep pockets.
And when that runs out, I return and fill them again.
I know I am vagueblogging again. Trust me when I say, you’ll find out what the hell I have been up to very soon.
Photo credit to McShane Photography.
I am learning to navigate this new and untamed landscape. I am grateful for all that has led me here and I am wickedly in love with what is being created.
I am choosing a different legacy than what was given to me.
I am powerful.