I arrived wearing yoga pants covered in dog hair and my slippers. The yoga studio is 2 minutes from my house and I was 2 minutes late. I was thirsty and rushed as I unclasped my watch, dropped it into my purse and headed in to select a mat. I grabbed a pink one, took a step forward and stopped. Definitely not pink today. Where’s that black yoga mat?
Yes. Black like my soul.
I’ve been having trouble getting my feet underneath me since Soulfire 2016. I’ve felt sluggish, disconnected and turned inward. Invitations are lost on me. Pajamas are all I want on my body and my bed is the only place I want to be.
I’m not depressed, I’m emptied out. My charge is depleted. I’m exhausted.
I’ve been trying to do the bare minimum with the hope that my come back is on its way.
Do you hear the upbeat music kicking in? Here it comes! It’s almost…Nope. I’m going back to bed.
I’m laying on my deeply dramatic emo black yoga mat thinking;
I’m just not feeling okay. I’m just not okay with how I’m feeling. I’m not okay with working right now. I’m not feeling quite right. Why can’t I get my mojo back? I’m not feeling okay enough to do much these days.
My thoughts distilled: I am not okay.
I usually take a week off after big time events but this week went awry. I made some commitments that I shouldn’t have and then one of my children had to stay home from school sick. A come back is not in the cards for this week.
Things are not quite where they should be in my soul.
I’m invoking a Do Over for next week that will include auto responses, critical tasks only and loads of leisure time with the people I love the best.
I’m not okay right now but I will be.
PS – This is helping.