Leave A Message

I almost wrote you an answering machine message tonight.

“Hi!  You have found Tashmica’s Mother Flippin’ Blog!  I am not here right now.  Leave a message and I will be sure to get right back with you.  Bye!”

This space has felt pretty empty lately.  Sorry about that.  I have just been too busy.  I have had plenty to say.  I have lots of words scribbled here and there to remind myself of things I meant to tell you.

Tonight, I am writing and scarfing down two egg sandwiches with tomato, avocado and chipotle mayo.  My body is aching from a pretty good derby practice and my mind is all discombobulated from a productive day at work.  I am also a little scared and my nail polish is chipped.

I have done two things this week that make me want to pee my pants.

#1 – I started researching my father for my book.  So if you happen to be the Nancy Drew type (Gosh, I loved her!), let me know!  I could use a good sleuth in my life right now.

#2 – I enrolled in my first college course since I was pregnant with Isaiah.  That would be nine years, ladies and gentleman.

I am scared.  Legitimately.  I am afraid that I will not be able to pass a class.  I am afraid that I will never write this book and that I am just going through the motions like an old record player without a needle.  What if I can’t write it well?  Or, even worse, what if I am too weak, fragile, mentally broken to stick with the story.  It is a hard story to tell – even with my wit and charm the details can still send me to bed early with a bottle glass of sangria.

*inhale*  *exhale*

It doesn’t matter today.  I just took a flying leap out of a boat not quite on shore and landed sturdy on solid ground.  I am asking the questions I need the answers too.  It may never fill a book.  It will fill empty spots in me that I need corked.Image

I am going to get that damned writing degree and then tattoo those letters behind my name.

I have already learned so much.

So, now.  I have left you a message.  I hope you are all well.  Be fearless.  Give me a call sometime and we will do lunch.

Fear facing,

Tashmica

PS – I forgot something else!

#3 – I made an appointment for my quarter sleeve at Fish Ladder Tattoo.  Yipe!